the Movie Club Annals ...

  
 

The Core

 
 

Rating: 2 Poseidons

  

 
 

Reviewed by Carl R.

 

 

 

 

a.k.a. "The Bore"

 
Viewing Date: 08/13/2005
 

Summary

 
This movie was a 135-minute piece of tripe about a giant set of lips with an obnoxious stupid ugly chick attached (Hillary Swank), and an obnoxious stupid ugly unshaven moron with a hole in his chin (Aaron Eckhart) who travel to the center of the earth to save it by nuking it from within.
  

Perhaps "unlikely" isn't strong enough of a term to describe the above-stated scenario, but finding the right words would take more energy than is needed to apply Hillary Swank's lipstick, and an overwhelming feeling of indifference prevents this author from working that hard.   

 
 

 the_core_lips.jpg (27012 bytes)

Mega-Lips Swank

  
 
The movie's most credible moments come at the very beginning, when hundreds of pigeons with pacemakers suddenly start dropping out of the sky because an evil scientist has reversed the flow of magma in the inner-core of the earth with his Ronco core-reverser gadget, which afterward ended up at a flea market like all Ronco gadgets inevitably do. The whole sad affair takes a big dive from there, and leaves the hapless viewer wanting for any semblance of feasiblity, likeable characters, or reasons to stay awake and/or alive.   
 
 

 the_core_chin.jpg (21308 bytes)

Filthy Unhshaven Moron Aaron Eckhart

 
 
Left without anyone or anything to root for, one can only hope for each and every character in the movie to die off as quickly as possible.  While there is a nominal amount of gratitude to be had here, there is none where it really counts. As for how the movie progresses or ends, the term "who cares?" rushes to mind. For the really curious, below is a link to the write-up of "The Bore" on IMDB.com    
 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0298814

 
 
But, if you're the type who enjoys tripe, stupid ugly chicks with big lips, and unshaven morons with holes in their chins, then skip "The Bore" and go straight to Tomb Raider, starring stupid ugly catfish-lips Angeline Jolie and unshaven moron crater-chin John Voight. While not exactly a bastion of cinematic integrity, Tomb Raider weighs in at only 100 minutes vs. an agonizing 135 minutes for "The Bore".  For those of us who have seen both films, the value of that 35 minute savings is so great as to defy adequate explanation.    
 
 
CR