Lily, before Tomb Raider
Lily, after Tomb Raider
C all me
Baby Lily. Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having
little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on
shore ... wait a minute ... wait a minute ... I just woke up from
my nap, and I'm a little disoriented. Let me start again ...
first Movie Club, a review of Tomb
Raider by Baby
What a day!
The excitement in the air was just too much! I couldn't believe I
was actually on the way to my very first Movie Club. The
hype surrounding Tomb Raider was big-time, and I just couldn't wait to
see it. I'll just bypass all the details about my morning feeding
and diaper change and get right to it.
grown-up in the movie had huge lips. My eyesight isn't even fully
developed yet, but those lips jumped right out at me. I think they were
fake. And even though I don't have a full grasp on the laws of physics
yet, I do know the definition of "impossible". Impossible -
like doing a wheelie on the front wheel of a motorcycle on the inside a
mansion while machine gun fire is flying past one's non-helmeted cranium
at the speed of light. The chick with the big lips was doing this,
in case you missed it.
It was a real treat to finally see John Voight in a
high quality film. Word on the playground is that he was the bad
guy in Anaconda. Even babies are too smart to like that
My curiosity got the best of me when I saw the
chick with the big lips riding on a dog sled in Siberia with her winter
coat wide open and her T-shirt showing. What's up with that?
Didn't she realize it was cold? How come one of the nice men in
the film didn't come to her aid and give her a blanket or something? I
know - I'll understand someday (not).
It could be
my imagination, but when Big Lips was hanging from her ceiling by a cord
doing her nightly indoor mansion-gymnastics, I saw through the glass
roof that it was sunny and bright outside. Yet, when the bad guys
were outside getting ready to break into the house it was dark, pouring
rain, with thunder and lightning all over the place. Actually, it
wasn't my imagination. I'd bet my 3:00 P.M. nap on it. You
know, I have a swing too, but it's not quite as sophisticated as the
one Big Lips uses, and I'm not allowed to use it inside the mansion
back to impossibilities, how is that Big Lips, who weighs all of 98
pounds soaking wet - was able to jump on a 6-ton log and change its
trajectory enough to get it to break the secret piece of glass that
ultimately released the first time-triangle? Can't be done, I'm
telling 'ya. And as Margaret mentioned, why couldn't they just
break the secret piece of glass with a hammer or something?
One last impossibility - there are too many to
mention - but this one is altogether noteworthy: When the bad guy
got stabbed at the end of the movie, it looked like he was hurt too badly to get up
again - ever. But no - when Big Lips picked a fight with him, he
got right up. He was a lean, mean, fighting machine. Stab wound?
No problem. Look - I'm young, but I'm not totally naive. I
heard of a kid who got a measly splinter in his finger and he screamed
his head off for 2 hours, so I'm not buying this one.
didn't the ancient guys who hid the separate halves of the time
triangles on opposite ends of the earth just destroy them in the first
place and be done with it? That's what Big Lips did.
Oh well, I
had a blast. It's hard to pick my favorite part of the day.
Staring at Paul was pretty cool. Sleeping on Great Grandma Nancy
was cool too. Sitting next to Grandma in the car is always a
pleasure, and hanging out with my parents is always on my A-List.
And that look on Ginny's face after Tomb Raider was over should be bottled
best part was when Grandpie swore at the car who passed him too fast on
the way home. I pretended I didn't hear it, but later I told him I
wouldn't rat him out if he slid me an occasional sawbuck and bought me a
Ferrari when I turned 16. I don't know why, but he caved in in
less than a nanosecond! I love Movie Club!
Peace out, yo!