Grizzly Review - by Montana Smith



by Montana Smith


If Jaws was the film that made generations of movie-goers afraid to go in the water, Grizzly was the film that made generations afraid to go to the movies. Scarce minutes after Jaws’s first box office weekend, Producer Harvey Flaxman, Director William Girdler, and Writer David Sheldon sat down at a meeting that must have went something like this: Flaxman: Jaws was a smash hit! People love movies with killer animals of enormous proportions. Girdler: We need to make our own killer animal of enormous proportions movie! Flaxman: Yes, we do, but it has to be completely original. Sheldon: Brilliant! Girdler: So how do we make a completely original movie about killer animals of enormous proportions? Flaxman: We need to do something that no one’s ever done before… Sheldon: Brilliant! Flaxman: I know! We’ll hire a different writer for every character! Girdler: And we’ll put them in separate rooms so none of the character’s lines have anything to do with any other characters’ lines. Sheldon: Brilliant!



Paw on a Stick


The story takes place in Entrance National Park, deep in the forests of Cuba (look for the Cuban militia during some of the search scenes). A bear has grown to enormous proportions and becomes a threat to the happy-go-lucky women frolicking through Entrance National Park. A keen observer would see that this particular bear was abandoned by his mother at too early of an age and is deeply scarred by the incident. In order to calm his feelings, the bear attacks every woman he comes across because it reminds him of his uncompassionate mother. Instead of seeing the bear’s needs and enrolling him in long-term therapy, park officials respond with evacuations, search teams, erratic emotional outbursts, and characters who seem to have some significance but disappear from the plot at random intervals. Driven to near madness, partly by the park service’s apathy (and largely by their bad acting), the bear begins to attack anyone he can find, in hopes of ending the movie sooner. The bear proves to be several times smarter than his pursuers and would have succeeded in his goals of ridding the movie of bad actors, had it not been for a series of unfortunate coincidences. 1.) There just happened to be a bazooka inside Don Stober private helicopter. 2.) Park Ranger Kelly just happened to know how to operate said bazooka. 3.) The bear had apparently consumed massive quantities of C4 prior to the final scene, causing him to erupt into a fiery explosion after being shot with said bazooka. On the positive side, Grizzly has received rave reviews, including: “Best paw-on-a-stick movie I’ve ever seen!” – Carl’s friend John. And: “Best paw-on-a-stick movie I’ve ever seen!” – Carl’s friend John.





MS