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Double Team

Reviewed by Ginny

I dedicate this review to my son Cameron, who I hope and pray never does
anything so bad that his punishment would be to sit and watch this movie.

Double Team = No Triple Threat 

Claude VanDame, Dennis Rodman and Mickey Rourke are the main players in this forgettable film.  Thankfully it is only 93 minutes, however that is 90 minutes too long.  I will give three shaky minutes to Mickey as he displayed an awesome washboard stomach, bulging biceps and looked buff enough to eat, but then he opened his mouth and I was snapped back to reality. 

During the film we traveled to Paris, Rome and Antwerp.  When was the last time any film traveled to Antwerp?  Anyway, during our travels we visited a carnival with machine gun clad clowns, hospitals with no doctors or nurses, lots of shattering glass or maybe it was acrylic, very confusing chase scenes, explosions that required a Coke machine to hide behind to save you, the burning of the Roman Coliseum which looked like an A-bomb test, and underground tunnels manned by computer monks (what?).

O.K. lets make this real simple.

Mickey’s son gets killed (probably by a clown).  Claude’s pregnant wife gets kidnapped by Mickey’s band of bandits.  Somewhere in there is inactive plutonium.  I think. 

The highlights of this movie were:

bulletKeeping track of Rodman’s hair colors and patterns and checking out his body piercings (I hate it when a man has better jewelry than me).
bulletClaude and Dennis jumping from a plane and their parachute engulfs them into a basketball chute which allows them to land safely without any bounce.
bulletSpin-kicking Claude battling it out with an equally capable jump-kicking foe who dons a toe knife.  (The next time I trim my toe nails I will wonder . . . why can’t I have a toe knife too.)

I am sure most of you are familiar with a song with the famous line “Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio”, well Claude, Dennis and Mickey who cares where you go.  Just go.  Go far, far away. 

by Ginny