HOWEVER, after viewing Battlefield Earth, I willingly confess to the bout of cynicism that this movie managed to lower upon me. In fact,  if EVER in the history of  ManAnimal-Kind has an occasion to be cynical ever been completely warranted, it was during and after the viewing of Battlefield Earth.  

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh ...  

Now, I do realize that this ground has been covered before, but here it goes again. How - just HOW did a group of cavemen, who just minutes before had been grunting at each other - had spears in their hands - were fighting over scraps of food - were walking into panes of glass - were eating golf balls and cold rats - were afraid of light bulbs - just HOW did they learn to fly the 1000- year-old, fully-fueled military jet fighters (that were somehow still in perfect condition) in combat formation in the span of just a few minutes/hours? (or even days, if we want to be charitable?)  Well, was it the learning machine?  No - it couldn't have been that, because the group of flying cavemen didn't casually stroll out of their locked cages at night and into the top-secret, high-security, Psychlo Learning Machine Room to use the learning machine at will whenever the fancy struck them the way the movie's hero, Jonnie Goodboy Tyler, did whenever the fancy struck him..

Were the cavemen just exceptionally smart?  No need to answer that one. Did we just miss something?  No. Not the Movie Club. Not a chance.  It takes what - six years or so for a fully functioning, highly trained 21st century present day ManAnimal to learn to competently fly a brand-new military combat jet?  Of course, the movie writers did try to get slick with us on this point - they made it feel like six years had gone by between the time the movie started and the time the cavemen were flying the 1000 year-old, fully-fueled military jet fighters (that were somehow still in perfect condition) in combat formation. But that was just a devious ploy that proved to be a very lame attempt to get something by us.  It didn't work.

So now what? Is it even worth discussing the inane noseplugs that were more appropriate for a day at the beach with Frankie and Annette than for protecting ManAnimals from Psychlo air, and Psychlos from ManAnimal air?  Of course it is, but, there is a more important problem at hand .... 

It was explained to us during the movie that the ManAnimals had fled to HIGHLY RADIOACTIVE areas to live in order to keep a safe distance from the dangerous Psychlos after the Pyschlos had taken over the earth. After all, we all know that radioactivity is dangerous to Pyschlos, but completely safe for ManAnimals. Right? For some odd reason, I was under the impression that radioactivity was at least mildly hazardous to the health of ManAnimals, but hey - what do I know? 

And furthermore, the ManAnimals, in order to keep their completely safe, radioactive hiding place a secret from the Psychlos, diligently sent a trumpeter at every sunrise/sunset to the most visible spot on the face of the earth to loudly announce their secrecy in a blaring, musical manner. I suppose I could ask where the cavemen even got the trumpet, or how they knew how to play it, or why they weren't afraid of it, but why bother.     

This movie had many, many, many other improbability, implausibility, continuity, believability "flaws" that could, should, and will be dissected in the future.  But I need time to recover from this one, and the threat of a sequel looms large. Plus, I just still can't get by the caveman-pilot thing.

 C.R.