Club Annals ...
Reviewed by Elizabeth W.
A very large snake lives, minding
it'ssssss own business in some tropical-type river. Jon Voight, sporting
the worst spaniszuelish accent ever, irritates the snake and the viewers almost
to death. But not before the snake ssssscares at least one scantily clad
wet tee-shirt type female protagonist by scaling ladders, and other un-snake
like things and sssssslithering around in general. The real highlight of
this movie wasn't when everyone almost drowns in two feet of WATER trying to
escape the WATER snake. The highlight was actually the great Academy Award
winning performance of Ice T or Ice Pick or Ice Cube or Ice Pack or whatever his
name was/is. In short, this movie ssssssstunk.
When the Movie Club first saw this
film we didn't realize how important it's star, Jennifer Lopez would
become in modern history. No longer known as the woman who starred in
Anaconda, she has the more important distinction of becoming J Lo,
soon-to-be-former girlfriend of Puff Daddy. This is an improvement
believe it or not.
is about a film crew going down the Amazon to meet up with the King
Cobra we saw in another movie. Just kidding, they're going to film an
apparently-undaunted-by-large-people-eating-snakes, tribe of Amazon
Indians. Terri (Jennifer Lopez), and Danny (Ice Cube) are floating along
the river with the rest of the snake's menu er, ah, I mean cast, when
they happen upon Paul (Jon Voight). His boat is sinking because his
accent is so bad and they offer him a lift. Paul is a notorious snake
hunter (dangling participle intended). He takes it upon himself to
hijack the boat when it's captain gets a really bad mosquito bite and is
completely incapacitated. So Paul neatly takes the opportunity to use
the film crew as snake bait in his unwavering mission. Nothing stops
Paul until he gets eaten by the Anaconda.