the Movie Club Annals ...

  
 

The Amazing Captain Nemo

 
 

Rating: 4 Poseidons

 

 

Reviewed by Carl R.

 Creative Consultants: Jo R. & Tony W.

 

 

 

 The Amazing Captain Nemo

 
The Amazing Captain Nemo is a 1978 submarine-action movie produced by Irwin Allen. There is so much wrong with this movie that writing a review of it would be very hard. Therefore, I am not going to do it.

But that doesn't mean I will leave you without reading material. Listed below on this page are quotes from many notable people who have seen The Amazing Captain Nemo.  And listed at the bottom of the page are Irwin Allen's personal notes on how he made The Amazing Captain Nemo

My failure to produce a review of my own has taught me a valuable lesson. If you can't do something right, don't do it at all.


CR

 
 
 

 Photographs

 
 

nemo_jose_ferrer.JPG (11203 bytes)

nemo_burgess_trog.jpg (21635 bytes)

nemo_unlikely_heroes.JPG (13885 bytes)

Captain Nemo, Emerging From 130 Years of Suspended Animation

Trog and the Maniacal Professor Waldo Cunningham

Navy Seal Disco 
Tourist Stud Unlikely Co-Heroes

 
 
 

  nemo_lynda_heel.JPG (16464 bytes)

 

nemo_atlantians.JPG (17189 bytes)

 

nemo_nautilus_toy.JPG (9498 bytes)

Lynda Day-George and The Heel  The Atlantian Council The Nautilus in It's
  Home Port Bathtub
 
 
 
  
Notable Quotes - "The Amazing Captain Nemo"
  
  

“Irwin Allen pulls out all the flops! Two stun-guns up!” 
Siskel & Ebert 

 
 

“Floats like Mothra and stings like The Bees!”
Muhammad Ali

 
 
“A Towering Sterno of a movie!”
Paul Newman
 
 
“Tantalizing, with all the glamour of a mood ring!” 
Rex Reed
 
 
“This is Irwin Allen’s Low of Lows!”
Sid Caesar
  
  

“Captain Nemo Buzzes The Swarm!”
Michael Caine

 
 

“Leaves no cliché behind!”
Dr. James Comer

 
 

“It splices, dices, even makes audiences cry!”
Ron Popeil

 
 

“Unforgettable, like the McRib!”
Nat King Cole

 

  

 “Executed with surgical deficiency!”
C. Everett Coop

 
 

“I can’t believe it’s not better.”
Fabio

 
 

“Billions and billions and billions and billions of clichés!”
Carl Sagan

 
 

“Captain Nemo sinks to the occasion!”
Molly Brown

 
 

“Cliches aren’t everything, they’re the only thing.”
Vince Lombardi

 

 

“McHale’s Navy joins the Salvation Army!”
Tim Conway

 
 

“Feels like a Voyage to the Bottom of The Love Boat!”
Gavin MacCleod

 
 

“This movie is Irwin Allen’s Patron Poseidon!”
Pope John Paul I

  
  

“A highly complex fusion of calculus, chisenbop, and cardboard.”
Albert Einstein

 
 

“I shan’t return!”
General Douglas MacArthur (Ret.)

  
  

 “I came, I saw, I fled on the Concorde.”
Julius Caesar

 
 

"I found it sick, I left it garbled."
Augustus Caesar

 
 

“Burgess Meredith is this year’s shortest star!  Jose Ferrer has a beard!”
David Manning, Sony Quote Trollop

 
 

“It ain’t over yet?!“
Yogi Berra

 
  

“Who needs Frankenstein when you can have Irwinstein!”
Shelly Winters

 
 

“A real recipe for disaster!”
Julia Child

  
  

 “No one ever remembers who finished second worst.”
Irwin Allen

  
 

 nemo_irwin.jpg (25517 bytes)

 IIrwin Allen on the Set of Captain Nemo

  

 

 

 

 

Recipe for Disaster

by Irwin Allen


INGREDIENTS: 

· 2 lead actors, past prime, broke 
· 6 supporting actors, past prime, broke 
· 3 dozen extras, alcoholics, broke 
· 2 submarine sets, claustrophobic, poorly-lit 
· 1 absurd script, 119 minutes
· 1 adventure-movie soundtrack, stolen
· 12 mega-tons clichés
· 20 minutes all-purpose bad special effects
· 73 minutes unrefined dialogue, scrambled
· 2 large trunks bad costumes, pre-used, heavy polyester base
· 1 hero, standard
· 2 heroes, unlikely
· 1 villain, annoying nuances
· 1 villain's sidekick, unintelligible
· 1 coward
· 1 goat
· 1 heel
· 1 unbelieving town official 
· 1 defining moment
· 1/2 hour extraneous sub-plots
· 3 minutes gratuitous romance, unsweetened 
· 6 preposterous Atlantian males, morons 
· 1 ton corn
· 2 tons cheese
· 1 happy/just ending

 

 

 

The Amazing Captain Nemo

 
 DIRECTIONS:

Pre-heat oven to stupid for 119 minutes.

On a poorly-lit, claustrophobic sound stage, add lead villain Burgess Meredith. Quickly blend in sidekick Trog, garnished in an Elvis Vader suit.

Stir in supporting actors Lynda Day-George  and Mel Ferrer. Add a generous dash of extras.

Gradually introduce standard hero  Jose Ferrer, blend with two unlikely heroes.

Add heaping truckloads of clichés, corn, and cheese non-stop throughout cooking process. Simultaneously begin extraneous sub-plots.

Drown entire mixture in stolen Star Wars soundtrack.

Knead main plotline several minutes at a time:

    > Burgess Meredith threatens to blow up  
        world
    >  Jose Ferrer is Captain Nemo in suspended   
       animation on Nautilus for 130 years
    > Two unlikely heroes find Capt. Nemo on  
        Nautilus and awaken him from suspended 
        animation 
    > Capt. Nemo stops bad guys and takes side  
        trip to Atlantis
    > Atlantians are happy, saved

Boil to defining moment (Burgess Meredith yells "This must be the work of an enemy!")

Wrap up 2 of 3 extraneous sub-plots, leave one hanging.

Bring to a happy/just ending, leaving ample room for sequel

Serve half-baked to masochistic audience

Discard leftovers